Through a Man's Eyes is the latest from Shaunti Feldhahn. In some ways this book is like the "Extended edition" of her earlier work, For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men
That book attempted to help women understand the simple (but complicated) truth that men and women are different. (Who knew?!)
This time Feldhahn has teamed up with Craig Gross to further illuminate a significant difference: the visual nature of many men.
Through a Man's Eyes: Controversial?
This visual nature seems to be controversial in some circles so Feldhahn and Gross warn the reader (presumably female) NOT to read this book if she is feeling particularly vulnerable.
This book is not designed to give women ammunition against the men in their lives: it is designed so women can understand and help equip themselves (and their men) for the sometimes overwhelming battle of living in a visually saturated age.
One Notable Weakness
I have to say, I think one weakness of the book is not focusing on the science of this issue.
The authors briefly address "studies" but they do not extensively quote or reference these. (There are a scant 28 footnotes at the back and some of these reference Feldhahn's other works.)
I really wish more attention had been given to presenting the facts, as they exist, instead of expecting the reader to take the authors' word for how this visual nature works.
They acknowledge that not all men are exactly the same on this issue (they refer to a continuum of how different men might react) but on such a potentially controversial book more references would have been helpful.
Through a Man's Eyes: Compassion and Practicality
The tone throughout is matter of fact and compassionate. Feldhahn and Gross do not excuse men for sin and they do not lay all the responsibility on women, despite what some of their critics may suggest.
I found their approach reasonable and encouraging. As a wife and now a mother of two boys, I needed the encouragement and practical suggestions.
The key question for the women reading this book may be on page 87:
Am I focusing on what God would have me do?
It's easy to get upset with someone else's actions or sin, but how easily we forget what we ought to do.
Another key line (found on page 100):
...We believe if you are working on your heart, your behavior will follow suit.
It's so easy to want a list of rules for behavior. Because it's easier that way.
This book doesn't take the easy way: these issues are heart issues and the authors know that.
Helpful Resources in Through a Man's Eyes:
The FAQ at the back of the book is also helpful especially if you're already dealing with a sensitive related issue in your family.
Issues like:
- Suspected illicit activity
- Curious internet searches
- and even questions like "Should we let our daughter wear a bikini?"
Through a Man's Eyes is not a lengthy book and, assuming you're not in a vulnerable state where it does you no good to read it, I definitely recommend this to wives and mothers of sons.
We owe it to our relationships to equip ourselves as best we can. This book can be another tool in your relationships toolbox. It may be useful to single women as well, especially if you've ever wondered, "Seriously, what is the big deal with what I wear?!)
Men and women are different (I know: shocker!) and books like this are great tools to helping us bridge those differences.
If you're interested in finding out more about this book or just seeing what resources Feldhahn and Gross have put together check out this website: Men are Visual.
For a list of my recommended reading on relationships see this post: Love, Marriage, and Family Reading List.
