31 Realities of Life for an INTJ Woman

Long ago, in a former blog life, I blogged about life as an INTJ female. One of those posts was one of the most popular things I’ve ever written. It feels like a good time to share it with you again (or for the first time).

Remember, these are generalizations and Myers-Briggs can be a wonderful tool, but a poor master. (Scroll down for more resources if you’d like to find out more about Myers-Briggs)

INTJ woman
1. You feel like you’re surrounded by aliens when 2 or more people are crying.

2. You feel like an alien has hijacked your body when you cry.

3. Your brain won’t shut off, even when you’re tired. Especially when you’re tired.

elephant cartoon4. You’re frustrated when you know you’re riding the elephant while everyone else is blindly exploring only one part of the elephant. You’re probably saying something like, “It’s an ELEPHANT. And we can ride it. It’s awesome.” And other people are just not listening.

5. You struggle with Mom Guilt because of things like the fact that you don’t bathe your children as often as the ISTJ or ISFJ moms. You don’t see the point, and “helicopter parenting” makes you edgy, but the comparison still makes you slightly insecure.

6. You’re left out of invitations because people assume you won’t come.

7. You’ve never been spontaneous. Spontaneity in others is frightening.

8. Surprises are ALWAYS bad.

thinking in my head9. You write lists when you should be sleeping.

10. You are alternately amazed, amused, or annoyed by the extroverts you know.

11. If you’re around people, you’d generally rather be around typical men, or you’d at the very least prefer a mixed group of men and women. Because men usually don’t ask how you’re feeling and you’re not expected to care how they feel. And the conversation you prefer is about world events, politics, the finer points of theology, and not about feelings, emotions, or what someone did / said / wore.

12. You’ll know exactly what needs to be done, but people might not be listening to you.

13. People resent your accurate predictions.

raining books14. You have more books than shoes, jewelry, or Facebook friends.

15. Sarcasm is your native tongue and people you know are scared of ending up on the wrong side of your sarcasm.
hypothetical arguments
16. You could verbally annihilate a customer service rep or terrible waitress, but depending on the situation, you might not actually say the words out loud because despite your strong opinions, you’re not really comfortable with confrontation.

every conversation17. Every conversation you’ve had in a day lives on in your memory that night.

18. You will know exactly what you should have said months or even years after a conversation took place.

19. Poor logic by politicians, world leaders, celebrities, etc. will infuriate you. You might take it personally. “Do they think we’re all stupid?!”

loyalty is rare20. You are loyal to relationships even when the other person does not meet your definition of loyal in return. You find relationships are rewarding but also hard work. Unfortunately, you might assume a friendship is on the rocks when the other person doesn’t return a text or “like” a picture of your kid on Facebook, because, seriously, it takes like 5 seconds. If someone can’t give you 5 seconds, you are obviously pretty low on their priority list. (You believe it’s not about feelings, it’s about logic.)

21. The more people you interact with in a day, the more decompression time you will require in an evening.

22. You will never meet your own impossible standards.

approval not needed23. If you are criticized on a skill or talent before you feel confident in it, you may never try that skill again. And you may never forgive the criticizer, even if they thought they were helpfully offering “constructive criticism”.

24. If you’re criticized about something you consider yourself capable or gifted in, the only thing that will be damaged is your view of the criticizer. You weren’t seeking their validation and it therefore has little power over you.

25. You will waste hours – days even – of your life trying to control things outside your control.

26.You will resist change if you don’t see obvious benefits to the change. Change that makes sense is still difficult and you will wrestle with it until it becomes the “new normal.”

keep calm and stay aloof27. You will have to learn to embrace the labels bossy and aloof. You will joke about them, even though sometimes they bug you. (And you may have to explain far too often “I’m not [mad, angry, upset], that’s just my face.”)

28. You will expect your husband to read your mind and you will be frustrated when he can’t.

29. You’re not sure what people are talking about when they say things like, “Just be in the moment.” What moment? How do you forget everything else?

30. You will jealously guard your whimsical, creative side, and very few people may ever see that side of you, because you dread exposure or criticism more than you crave recognition or validation.

tried to be normal once31. You’ll meet other women who understand you, “get you,” and think you’re perfectly normal, but only on the Internet and they’ll all live far away from you. So fire up your internet surfing device of choice, because you’re going to spend a lot of time there.

Being a rare type can be fun. It can be frustrating. Being a non-F type as a woman can be isolating, but when you consider that there are a lot of “Non-F” types (INTJ, ISTJ, ENTJ, ESTJ, INTP…), maybe it isn’t really so unique as we sometimes think.

If you don’t know your type, or you’re unfamiliar with the concept, consider these quizzes: 16 Personalities / Human Metrics / The Myers & Briggs Foundation

Do you know your Myers-Briggs Type? What are the realities of your life?

31 realities of life intj woman
If you’d like to see more about being an INTJ, or Myers-Briggs in general, I have a Pinterest board dedicated to those topics:


Practical Personality Portfolio

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